| |
|
|
| |
Are you one of the lucky few who have found the man of their dreams? If not, don’t stress out . . . you’re part of a pretty big club!
Meeting that perfect person for marriage or to share your life and passions can take a lot of persistence and patience, especially if you’ve been single for a long time. Just remember, you need to have faith that there really is someone who is meant for you. Nearly all of us want a dream mate – nice looks, a healthy life, and characteristics we value in a person such as trustworthiness, success and athletic appearance to name a few.
We’ve all had them—those “I can’t believe he did that!” moments the first time we meet a prospective someone. A friend once went for dinner with a prospective guy who not only kept his cellphone on the table, but took a call from his mom during the meal. Another incident involved a young lady who was asked out for coffee and later asked for her share — all of Rs. 100 — when it was time to pay up. Of course, being the open-minded women that we are, we write such men off as total psychopaths. But can you really read that much into first-time behaviour? According to psychologists specializing in relationships, everything you want to know about someone is there for you right at the beginning and you’re more apt to pick it up in a first meeting than a second or third when “emotions get involved, and clear thinking diminishes.” |
|
| |
|
|
| |
Fortunately, first meetings are great for spotting character, too. Here is what to look for: Does he thank the parking attendant as he hands over his keys? Make polite small talk with not only the waiter but the busboys too? Consider that your good-guy alert. “A man who can treat people well, no matter what their income level or ‘station’ in life, will treat you in a more considerate way, no matter what your profession,” says Samia Hasan, an image consultant. The guy who considers himself above the taxi-driver or doorman, on the other hand, may soon act like he’s better than you (or your profession or your family). Plus, you’ll always feel mortified about his hideous manners. And if your date is gracious about a mishap, give him extra points. He’s likely to stay calm under all kinds of relationship pressures.
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
Instead of blathering on about himself, he asks smart questions that don’t come off as probing. And if he happens to be cute, smart and quick with a self-deprecating one-liner, marry the guy! But seriously, a guy who asks you questions rather than reciting his resume is “someone who is capable of caring about someone else,” says Farah. On the other hand, she adds, “If you can’t get a word in edge-wise, either the guy is narcissistic or very insecure.” Having met both types, Kiran Ahmed now knows how to tune her radar to what she calls ‘the ratio’, that is how much he talks about you versus himself. “If he’s an active listener and follows up on questions he asks you, you know he’s genuinely interested and not just going through the motions,” she says. “Besides, the communication skills become oh-so-handy later on!”
Does he mention his mother? Why? You should try to know if he has a strong relationship with the woman who gave him life and if he gets along well with her. If yes, then he’s more likely to respect women in general. But if he is scary close to Mom, that’s the trouble sign. So unless you see yourself asking for a table for three — you know, because she’s always along — keep your antennae tuned for the guy who considers his mother his #1 girl. And do we need to remind you of the big-picture danger of a mama’s boy? “You may one day have an intrusive mother-in-law,” says Farah. “If he’s joined to the hip, he’s less likely to defend you or come to your rescue.” Do you want to turn into the wife from Everybody Loves Raymond? Thought not.
Worst of all is that guy who can’t help but check out every model type who trots by. It may be normal guy behaviour — leftover from the cavemen past — but if he can walk upright, he can keep it in check while courting you. “If his eye wanders, imagine how his eyes will wander once he gets to know you,” says Tabinda. “Buyer beware.”
|
|
|
