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Dressed in a fashionable burgundy and beige sharara, I was all set to venture out on my new life…All faces were merry and gay. The past few weeks had been a total blast. My friends and I would groove and move to every tune possible. A never-ending list of things-to-do, of things to shop for stared in our faces as we tried endlessly to get the work done well before time. It was a very emotional period – both for me and my loving family. How would life be after leaving my folks and moving in with another family was an idea totally alien to me – as it is I am sure for every girl.
Within three months of my fast-pitched engagement, I was married! And lo and behold! I was transformed from a happy-go-lucky-go-carefree girl to a responsible and obedient wife. Besides the usual girly expectations I had no idea how my life would be. Not in my wildest imagination could I fathom such drastic metamorphoses.
Ever heard of the phrase, ‘you don’t marry a person but the whole family’? Seems trite at face value, but holds a profound truth. The first and foremost encounter is with one’s in-laws, who will judge you and scrutinize you at every possible moment. So my friends, it comes handy if you can handle a couple of encroachers as if it’s completely okay with you. As with me, my respected sister-in-law (the eldest of the five others) barged into my room first thing the next morning, and grabbed every possibility of peeping into all possible places as if it was totally acceptable. And I could only appreciate her caring gestures.
I stepped into the new realm with anxiety about everything, primarily my hubby-to-be. Most things didn’t make sense at first – honestly some still don’t. Initially, the sight of dirty socks lying wherever they could land or damp towels on the expensive lounger made me writhe all over. Then there were the bigger issues — like identity crisis. Gradually, I realized it takes a lot to make a marriage work (even a lifetime), and it may certainly prove worthwhile. In time I also began to understand the fact that my partner was also facing adjustment issues (of different nature maybe). What was needed was some space and understanding. He was also conditioned to have certain expectations of me.
There are a few things I observed as a newly-wed. Changes subtle and not-so-subtle needed to be made for a life-long commitment.
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As newly-wed couples begin their lives together, they are confronted by situations causing stress. The real marriage actually begins after the ceremony ends. There is no real ‘happily-ever-after’ as we are programmed to believe. Happiness is not something one can attain by pressing a button. It is a state of mind. It does not come for nothing; it must be earned.
Two people coming from different backgrounds learn soon after the ceremony is performed that ‘the reality’ must be faced. It is no longer a life of fantasy or of make-believe; we must come out of the clouds and put our feet firmly on the earth. There are responsibilities that must be understood and new duties that must be accepted. Some personal freedoms must be abandoned, and many modifications must be made.
After all is said, I must confess, there is no real hard-core formula to make a marriage thrive. The only formula constant is ‘change’. As a very wise man said, ‘things don’t change, you change’. There are times when one feels like giving up. Still there is always a new day to come and hope prospers. However way it is, one can still enjoy little moments of happiness and appreciate small things in life that are achieved by being with a loving partner.
It’s only been six months now, and it’s equally difficult as it is rewarding. It seems it takes a whole lifetime to make a marriage work. So let’s just enjoy being with one another.
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